Hope For The Hopeless
by sectumsempra394
Summary: lissa and rose have found the secret behind the spirit madness but will there hopefull realization help with the problems between rose and dimitri. dimkaXroza   and all the other couples along with eddieXmia.sorry in advance for the spelling mistakes
1. the madness within

::notey note:: set 2 weeks after the battle between the strigoi and the academy. dimitri was saved before he was turned but ever sine he has been thinking alot about how the past few months have played out. rose can barely contain the madness she takes from lissas mind while lissa practices her magic with adrian. day by day it gets worse.::

-disclaimer- i do not own anything from vampire academy.

Lissa was finally getting the hang of being able to see auras which I thought was cool until she saw mine. Thats all a needed another person telling me how dark and sad my aura looked. As if Adrian wasn't enough. Now every time she looked at me I felt the worry and guilt flow through the bond and like always I couldn't have her feeling that way pulled her emotional distress into my own.

A few weeks ago I discovered the reason I had had so many outbursts and Un-rose like thoughts and emotions. After almost killing Jesse and Ralf and my romance with Dimitri I had learned somewhat to control it. Always reminding myself that it was to protect Lissa. _They come first._ That saying was really starting to get to me. But I never went against it.

I felt myself getting even more upset with myself but slowly pushed it aside with as much effort as I could. I didn't know how much more of this I could take. I was bubbling inside me ready to burst out and it seemed like everyone was purposely trying to see how far they could go before I burst. 'yup' I thought to myself as I saw Adrian cutting across the school yard after spotting us.

"little dhamphir!" he smirked at me. I soon found that his spirit induced charisma wasn't as strong as it used to be and I had feeling it had to be because of how annoyed he made me. He looked at me with a quizzical look one he normally got when he was looking at my aura. "what?" I asked him hands on my hips. " is my aura different of something?" he smirked again. God I hated that smirk I just wanted to punch it right off him. "more so. It's darker than ever" he said this time seriously. I waved my hand in the air a gesture to show him how little I cared. But then I looked at Lissa her face mimicked the emotions radiating through the bond. Worry. Fear. Guilt. She started to reach out her hand as she did everything she though she could heal. "whoa now" I pushed her and back. "don't even think about it. The more you use the magic the more it will hurt you" or me I thought. Adrian and I were the only ones who knew what was happening. He told me a few weeks ago that when Lissa was upset he had seen the darkness in her aura jump into mine. It was then we realized that I took the dark thoughts and depression into myself. I couldn't bare to tell Lissa what I knew. I knew exactly how she would feel. The guilt she would feel would be too much to bare. So I kept it between Adrian and I. But right now Lissa could sense something was wrong and she want to help me. Heal me like she had before but I don't think this could be healed and I didn't want her to waste her magic on me.

Her thoughts in the bond told me she hated not being able to help me when I needed it. I put a hand on her shoulder. "don't worry Liss. I'm fine. Apparently my aura has always been dark. I'm just a little grumpy thats all. I think I need to eat." I smiled at her and through the bond I could feel her feeling less hurt than she was. We headed of to breakfast and Adrian parted ways thank god.

the strigoi attack had left a lot of people still in shock and the school was never the same. I hadn't seen Dimitri since after the raid of the hide out. Eddie and I had went in after one of the middle school moroi girls had come out and told us that there had been more in there than we thought. Dimitri was lying motionless on the ground when I turned the corner and my shock had slowed me a little. the strigoi was hovered over him and had almost taken enough blood to kill him. I shook the shock off though and fought with the strigoi. After a few minutes I had staked him and checked to make sure there weren't any more. Alberta Eddie and Stan had taken out the other ones. After Alberta assessed Dimitri's wound and loss of blood they took him back and they were able to save him. Lissa had tried to help but hadn't reached that strength in her magic after going off the pills. She was still to weak to do anything and she felt useless. He had healed since then but I hadn't seen him since then. That was almost two weeks ago I've never gone so long without seeing him and I wondered if he was okay. I had apparently been lost in my own depressing thoughts and Lissa was trying to get my attention.

"rose?" she looked at me with that worried look. "rose? Are you okay? I was trying to tell you I was gonna go to the feeders if you wanted to go get something to eat and wait for me?" I looked at her shaking off the depressed feelings I was getting and smiled "yeah sure I'll be over there" I pointed at a table far back on the other side of the cafeteria. She smiled and told me she would be back in a little bit. I soon found I wasn't much in the mood to eat but Lissa wanted me to so I went up the line and grabbed a donut and some bacon. As I walked across the cafeteria I noticed that some people were staring at me and some just avoided eye contact all together I heard whispers and caught some of the words "psychopath, lunatic." some were on my defense though "amazing. Strong. Bad ass" I realized then that most of the stares were from people who had seen me fight along side Christian in the strigoi battle two weeks ago. The one avoiding me were mostly friends of Jesse and Ralf and were probably afraid of me.

I nibble on the donut while I waited for Lissa and was soon joined again by Adrian. "what?" I said in a voice that didn't even sound like my own. I really did not want to see him right now. "oh a little edgy today are we?" he didn't sound like himself either. He was serious right now and seemed to be concerned. "don't you have an alcohol bottle you should be drinking" I asked eying him warily. "nope. No liquor today. Though even under the influence I think I would be able to see your aura" he eyed me more and I realized how awkward that probably looked to other people its no wonder those crazy rumors were going around. Thinking about that just made me angrier. "whoa!" Adrian stated his eyes widened. "what now?" his arms flew up and I could tell people were now staring at us like we were crazy. "your aura. It just flared up like a fire." now I was a little curious could that be what happens when my own emotions flare? Strange. "could you just leave me alone for once" I said dryly. The seriousness was gone now and his smug stupid smile was back. He cupped my hand and stared into my eyes. "i don't think thats possible if I left you alone yo would just come to me. Don't deny your feelings for me rose" he smiled even bigger. "i know you have dreams of me naked at your door in the middle of the night" he winked at me and thats what set me off. I had hoped that I had pushed the anger away but now it was back. All of it at full force and that one little wink and that stupid smile. Sent me raving. "NO!" I slammed my hands down on the table. Everyone was now watching us but I didn't care. Adrian needed to know that I didn't love him that I didn't even like him actually in fact I loathed him. "shut up! Just shut the hell up! Stop hitting on me I don't like you at all. Your obnoxious and arrogant and just all around a horrible person!" he stared at me the smile was now gone and fear was all over his face i didn't think I was that threatening right now but then I noticed he want looking at me but my aura. "your stupid attempts at trying to get me have made my life a living hell. I have a smaller chance now of being Lissa guardian thanks to you! Can't you just take a hint and leave me alone and go away." his fear still filled his face but the last sentence had sent a clear message to you. He stood up masking the fear with anger and stormed off. Lissa had entered while I was yelling at him and her face stayed solemn but I could feel what was going through her mind as she stared at me. She was angry at me but more than that confused on why I had blew up at him. She also apparently heard me say how I had less of a chance of being her guardian thanks to him. She didn't know what to do being mad at me she didn't want to sit by me and I didn't want her to. Who knew what I would say to her. She left and I left standing there alone still angry still upset with the whole cafeterias eyes still focused on me. The rest of my day was an angry blur I kept to myself Eddie was still guarding Lissa for the trials and being on halftime I wasn't with Christian today. Thank god his attitude would have probably sent me on a murderous rampage. I really wished I could talk to Dimitri but he was still healing They took him off guardian duty until the trials were over. I didn't think they were allowed to do that considering guardians always had to be prepared for what was out there. I guess since he was young and there were extra guardians here they could let him rest. I hated not being able to talk to him. I searched the bond for Liss which told me she had went off after Adrian. Her feelings had changed though and she was now worried for both of us. She was scared of what was going on with me and honestly I was too.

I didn't want to see anyone after breakfast and since this was technically a day off. I decided to just veg in my room for the rest of the day. I hadn't realized until I got to my room how exhausted my outburst had made me. I soon found myself drifting into sleep. Though I wasn't asleep for long I soon found myself slipping into another of adrians dreams. God did this guy like not listen to anything I said to him. But when I turned to look at him it was Adrian but Lissa who was standing in front of me. "Liss? So you finally learned how to enter other peoples dreams" I exclaimed I didn't like her using magic but I was happy she was able to do this now we could talk again. "no" she said solemnly I could feel sorrow in the bond but she was keeping her thoughts from me. "this is adrians he brought me along" I wanted to ask how but then Adrian came out from behind one of the trees. I hadn't even noticed we were back in his garden where he had told me his family history and told me about my aura. I glared at him my anger from be still hadn't seemed to settle and I wondered why I felt like this. I mean I didn't really hate him he was just annoying a lot but I didn't hate him. "why do you always gotta bug me in my sleep? And how did you even know I was gonna be asleep" he smiled but it was a sad smile not the usual smirk he normally wore "i just checked in. i'm helping Lissa and luckily you seemed to be asleep" ugh. Great now I wish I was with Christian instead of asleep. "can't you leave me alone. I openly stated that I don't like you and you still wont leave me alone" I had no idea why I was being such a bitch well I did but I wished I wasn't. "don't worry" he said grimly "this is the last time. Now that Lissa is able to see auras and dream walk I don't need to stick around" guilt panged inside me as I sense what was coming next. "I'm leaving tomorrow and I wont bother you again. Don't worry." Liss just stood there her face staying completely devoid of feelings. But she was still angry at me and now that Adrian was leaving she was more angry at me. Her worry for me was still there but pushed so far back by how mad and disappointed she was. I wanted to tell her that I was disappointed too but my anger wouldn't let me its like I was only anger now and I didn't like it the few moments lately that I wasn't angry had been filled with sorrow and regret. I don't think I had been happy in a while actually. The silence was heart breaking Lissa looked at me with anger in her eyes and Adrian just wouldn't even look at me. I was about to say something when Adrian ended the dream. One of the strangest dreams I had had with Adrian and waking up from it had left me feeling miserable. My anger had now turned into guilt frustration and sorrow. I climbed out of bed and decided maybe a nice hot bath would relax me. I shuffled off to the bathroom and passed Eddie while heading there. He smiled at me "you doing okay" he asked. I knew I couldn't say I was fine to him it was written all over my face how bad I was feeling. "as okay as I can be" I smiled a fake smile and he decided not to push me into talking about it. He was already in a rush to meet Lissa and Christian. I waved him goodbye and kept walked to the bathroom.

My mind swirled with emotions as I soaked in the tub. Why did I say those things to Adrian? He probably hated me now but I would hate me too after what I had said. Actually I already was hating myself I felt weak. Not being able to push down the madness I took from Lissa. Lissa. I couldn't stand to have her mad at me too. I remembered when she was angry at me from telling she cut but this was different I didn't do this to try and help her like I had before. I was losing everything and everyone. Was I even up to it to protect her. Would my madness take over and ruin my chances of being her guardian? Or anyones for that matter? No one would want a crazy guardian. She didn't need me. She had Dimitri to guard her what would she need me for._Expendable expendable._ The more I thought about it the sadder I got. I held my self digging my nails into my arms. I remembered what Lissa had said when she was cutting. _Physical pain to ease the mental anguish. _It wasn't working though my thoughts only justified the pain. Telling me I deserved to feel pain and more much much more. I didn't deserve the life I had I shouldn't even be alive. Tears streamed down my face and those dark thoughts engulfed me and soon pushed me under the water. I could see the blood I had drawn from my arms rising in the water. I soon felt the sweet sensation of water trickling into my lungs. My thoughts were happy now. I was getting what I deserved. Everyone would soon not have to deal with me anymore. Lissa could finally be happy and lean spirit with Adrian and love Christian. And Dimitri wouldn't have to worry about our horrible love problem. I would no longer be in anyones way. The twisted thoughts had actually made me smile something I hadn't done in so long. I closed my eyes and smiled as I drifted off into darkness.


	2. they come first?

I don't know if it had been seconds or minutes before I felt the two muscular arms pull me from the water. I was slipping in and out of unconsciousness. I felt a towel wrap around me and then I was lifted up into the arms that have 'saved' me. I blacked out with the thoughts of reminding myself I didn't deserve to be saved. I woke up in Dr. Olendzki's office for about the fifth time this year. I felt groggy and soon realized Dimitri was standing next to me. His face was full of worry and his eyes showed how much he cared. "rose." he smiled a sad smile at me as he pulled a chair over next to me. "how are you feeling" I spoke not realizing how sore my throat was. "sleepy. And my throat hurts" he put his hand on mine and for a moment all the bad things that had happened disappeared it was just us. "that seems right. You've been coughing up a lot of water" his eyes I now noticed had fear in them. He could try to keep his composure as much as he wanted but I could see through him. He was scared though I couldn't tell why.

"how long have I been out" I asked feeling like I had been out for a while.

"two days" he stated bluntly

whoa two days. I did remember waking up and coughing up a lot of water. It didn't feel too good at all. I also remembered feeling the sensations of hot then cold then hot again. Oh no. I realized Lissa had tried to heal me. Had it worked? Was I dying? I wondered how bad I really was until she used her magic on me? I realized something else that was strange.

My dark twisted thoughts, the madness inside me.

Was gone.

It was strange and as if thinking about her summoned her she appeared next to me. "rose! Oh my god I'm glad your okay" her arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace weak as felt I hugged her back. Feeling through the bond I could tell how worried she really was. But as I searched her thoughts I felt deep deep back in her mind a bit of anger still lingered, but this time it wasn't because of Adrian. She was mad that I had even thought of suicide. Mad that I had thought of leaving her alone. She felt hurt but the worry for my safety stood stronger.

"you" I then felt all the guilt from my actions "you healed me?"

she nodded.

"but why?" I couldn't let her keep doing that. "it hurts you and-" I stopped I still couldn't bare to tell her about how I had been taking all her pain away. Not even noticing my strange behavior she shook her head. "I've been using spirit a lot lately and none of the madness seems to be as bad as it was before. I think the pills may have some sort of lingering effect" I wished that was the truth. She had no Idea or hadn't even thought that I had been the one who had been taking her pain away. Making sure she didn't go mad but in return it was I who went mad. I couldn't tell her I just couldn't. But I didn't need to because right then Adrian had come in. he apparently didn't leave after all and I hoped my stupid lack of judgment hadn't been the reason. I had hoped he just really wanted to stay here. "actually Lissa it's been rose" he stated. I gave him a look that said don't but he didn't seem to care. "shes been the one keeping you safe. I know I saw it" Lissa looked at him more confused than ever. "what do you mean that she is the reason I'm safe? What do you mean you _saw_ it" she looked back at me and I couldn't bare to look at her. Why couldn't Adrian had just left. I could handle this I was fine. As if reading my thoughts Adrian countered them "haven't you noticed her moods. Shes been on edge jumpy angry sad. I don't think in all this time I've seen a spark of the rose I love until right now." that made me and Dimitri both stare at him. _The rose I love_. Great. I didn't hate Adrian but I sure as hell didn't love him either. He was just a friend. What was Dimitri going to think of that.

"yeah" I heard Lissa say not taking my eyes of Adrian.

Dr Olendzki entered at that moment shocked to see so many people in the room. I hadn't even noticed Christian who came in with Lissa. Wow was I out of it.

"well now that I see that your awake rose how are you feeling" she ignored all the other people thought she shot them a look that said there were way too many people here.

"better" I said. She checked my temperature I hadn't even noticed the slight fever I had. I didn't care though a fever was nothing. After a bit of finagling I got her to let me go and Lissa Dimitri and Adrian decided to walk me back to my dorm. Though I think Lissa and Adrian just wanted to talk about what I already knew. Christian left us to _go do something more fun. _Thought I just think he didn't want to see Lissa getting all chummy with Adrian about spirit anymore.

"so what did you mean back there?" Lissa asked again

"the reason for all of that is because rose takes your anger and despair and puts it in her own." Lissa face matched mine when Adrian had told me the same thing. She was confused she didn't think that made any sense but then our whole predicament didn't really make much sense.

"what do you mean by that"

"that day we were learning together and you got frustrated. I saw darkness in your aura but in a matter of seconds it had jumped from yours to hers" she was starting to get it now. She though back to how lately any time she would get angry or upset it would disappear like it never happened but then I would be upset. The more she thought about it the more it made sense.

"so all your out burst have been because of me?" there it was what I have been dreading the guilt she felt for causing me so much suffering and pain flowed through the bond. I quickly tried to take it from her but she noticed this time

"no! Don't" she grabbed my hard tightly to stop me. We had stopped on the way to the dorm and a few passersby stared at us but right now I couldn't deal with that. "don't take it from me it hurts you" he face was full of worry and as I looked at Adrian and Dimitri so was theirs. Adrian knew what it did and after hearing Adrian explain it to Lissa, Dimitri caught on as well. I looked at all the people who really did care about me it was hard to imagine that two days ago I thoughts of freeing them from me and taking my own life. They really did care and knew that. I smiled which apparently caught them off guard.

"why are smiling?" she said confusion now grouped with the earlier emotions of worry and guilt.

" I never thoughts you would be stronger than me in all of this." I moved moved her hand off my arm and smiled at her. "im supposed to be the one protecting you but right now it seems like you have a better chance of being my guardian than me being yours" I chuckled and I soon saw a smile creep over her face.

"you don't always have to be the strong one. I can protect you too" I soon felt like we were on the verge of hugging and I really hoped we would.

"_they come first_" I said the more I thought about it "its always been my rule its been the guardians rule. My problems are nothing yours always come first. You come first I'm your guardian and wont ever put myself before you..." I thought about how suicide was putting myself before her but she just smiled and didn't seem to think about that.

"there is only one problem with your logic rose" my tough rose face faltered in surprise. Problem how could there be a problem with that its how its always been. _They come first_. The rule that every guardian followed.

"what would that be" I said in a kind of cocky attitude I didn't mean to add.

"they come first is a guardian rule but your not just my guardian your my best friend. Your my sister. Meaning we each take half. We protect each other. We listen to each others problems."

I was speechless. All this time I had thought of myself as her guardian first to protect and put her before everything and this whole time she had never once considered me that. I was her best friend just that. And thats all she ever asked for. She didn't have to tell me the rest I could read her mind I want you to come to me with your problems like best friends do._ Don't hold back. _As if reading my thoughts she added _your problems aren't a burden I want to watch over you like you do for me._

I didn't realize then that it had gotten very silent between us and Adrian was giving us quite an awkward look. I then hugged her and she hugged back "thanks" I whispered in her ear. I could feel the happiness flow through the bond and I was glad things were at least a little bit back to normal. And again as if everyone around here could read my thought. What did everyone have a bond with me today or something? Adrian spoke "well things aren't back to normal yet." we both let go and looked at him confused at his weird sentiment.

He took the confusion proudly. Probably feeling great that he had stumped the great dynamic duo.

"i found something new out about spirit" immediately excitement lit up Lissa face and her mind. She couldn't wait to learn more on spirit she could dream walk and see auras now. The neither was perfected yet she still had trouble with seeing the auras sometimes and she could only dream walk if she was hanging with Adrian. Which I don't know if Christian would have liked to hear that that meant Lissa had to sleep in adrians room.

"well I don't know Liss a might already know about it." she just stared at him excitement still on her face but she had no idea what he mean by that. I hoped he wasn't going full on crazy now. I wondered when the last time he had a drink or smoke was.

"i-i don't think so."

"you didn't notice anything about rose's aura when you healed her" apparently he had been there when she had healed me as sort of a training example. That kind of made me feel like a lab rat for their spirit education though.

"lie I said I can only sometimes see auras I couldn't see anything then. I was so flustered I kept my focus on healing rose. I really have to focus to see auras still I cant see them like you can yet." I could feel frustration and wanted to pull it from her but it soon went away after Adrian spoke.

"it was black really black when we came in it kind of looked like it was engulfing her." Lissa eyes went wide with worry she looked at me and all I could do was shrug. " but then" he went on "when you healed her it was like nothing I've ever seen. All that darkness just vanished. It didn't go back in your aura but it was gone out of rose's" I stood there in shock but a witty remark soon came to my mouth as if this wasn't anything new

"so did you finally get a good color out of my aura" he nodded and I hadn't realized till now how much I actually wanted to know what color it was.

"reddish purple like a magenta so beautiful and tough just like you beautiful like a rose." oh great there he went off to delusion land. But then Lissa realized something.

"wait!" she exclaimed "does that mean" and as if reading her thoughts like I can he responded.

"yupp. You healed the madness within her. Kind of ironic now that you think of your conversation about protecting each other"

I couldn't believe it neither could Lissa she could use her spirit to heal the madness I took from her.


	3. a better life

The next few weeks were great neither of us had dark thoughts at least not for a long period of time. This was the happiest we had both been in a while. We also couldn't wait for the upcoming ball the queen threw for the seniors every year. I had watched in awe when I was younger as the older students dressed in gorgeous dresses would go to court and enjoy themselves while us younger students just took finals, but now it was our turn. Lissa had told me we were going shopping this upcoming weekend and I was super stoked I could barely contain myself.

As we walked from my dorm lissa and I talked about our shopping trip and she was surprised when I want a huge puffy ball gown instead of a sleek tight one that would show off my figure. Us damphirs had human features unlike the slim and tall moroi. The girls were busty and many of us had a bit of a tan from training outside all the time.

"i don't know" I said "i just want to feel like a princess for once" lissa gigled at the way I said princess. I wasn't very girly but it wasn't because I didn't want to be I just never had the time being a guardian and all. Not this time thought we were going to court ,thought I had already been before on buisness, this time it was all for leisure and I wanted to feel like a girl for once. I could feel lissas sympathy for me. She realized just how much of my life I had to forget to be a guardian and she was happy I got to live it up for a few days.

"well then we will have to find you the perfect dress to fit a princess" she smiled. I smiled back at her I felt so excited my adrenaline was rushing. I then realized I was late for practice with dimitri.

It had been about a month since the attack on the school and so my practices we canceled until further noticed. Dimitri had decided to start them up again today and of course I was late. I wondered if he would even show. It was obvious he was avoiding me even after I had saved his life he has went out of his way to avoid me. I would see him at school functions and pass by him sometimes I a always saw him in the same pwe at church on sunday most likely finding peace and asking for forgiveness for his sins or whatever. I had no idea what it was I had did but he couldn't avoid me today and I guess sicne he started training again he knew that as well.

As I got to the gym the lights were still off and I started to really wonder if he bailed on practice. Well before I could finish my thought the lights flicked on and dimitri entered in his regualr work out clothes. He looked at me and smiled but the silence said everything. Something was really bugging him and I wanted to know what it was but first came practice. I put on my game face and went at it. He gave me instructions to go after the dummys again like we had been doing before the trainings were put on hiatus. He sat there as usual reading one of his western novels. I didn't want to show him how worried I was so I put on my normal facade.

"pretty quite over there" I quipped "i must be doing perfectly" I looked at him and he gave me a soft smile.

"you have to put all your attention into your attacks if we were talking you would be distracted and you could hesitate"

"i don't think thats why you are quite" I said as I drove my stake into the dummys 'heart.' he put his book down and sighed.

"how is it you always know something is wrong" he smiled sadly.

"i can read you. You may be a mystery to most people but not to me" he patted the seat next to me on the mat he was sitting on. I hadn't realized how hard I had been working till I said next to him and could hear my heavy breathing. We sat there quietly just enjoying the fact that we were alone together. Once my breathing settled I looked at him. I moved my hand over his and he flinched but didnt move it or say anything.

"please tell me" I said giving him a look I hoped he couldnt say no to. I was right or maybe he just couldnt say no to me.

He sighed again and I knew he didn't want me to worry.

"you have to remember Roza, we are teacher and student. And yet after the attack I don't know if I cant keep what we have a secret. I love you and I didn't think it was possible to love you more but after you saved me. Well I can't think of a way to repy you for what you did. I love you with everything I have and I feel like I can't repay you." I could see the pain in his eyes I didn't need a bond to know what he was feeling. Did he really think he needed to repay me this much?

"you don't need to repay me I am a guardian its my duy to save people in danger. I broke the comand from my mother to save you because I love you because if I lost you i- I don't think I could live if you weren't living with me" she smiled at me and locked his fingers into mine.

" I want you to know how thankful I am to you and eddie for saving me what you did well it was stupid" that was kinda a kick in the gut I thought. "but it was also the bravest thing I have ever seen." my heart lept then and I couldn't resist the temptation anymore. I moved closer and soon our lips met I expected him to pull away any second but instead he wrapped his arms around me and returned my kiss. I knew we couldn't go farther than a kiss in a school facility but the kiss grew more passionate and soon there was nothing in the world but us. He soon pull out of the kiss but he never let me go we stayed in the embrace.

"i love you roza so much and I will do anything to show my thanks." I smiled and soon training was over. though I didn't do much training this morning I felt like I could take on the world with the adrenaline pumping through me. I smiled as I went to go meet up with christian for first period. I had been put on half time for the field experience because everyone thought I couldn't handle it because I was 'seeing things'. But I knew the truth it was side effects form spirit and now that we figured out how to control it and make sure it doesn't take over lissa and I convinced kirova to let me go back to full time. Life was getting to be great.


	4. the day before

the ball was coming up and it was the weekend of our shopping trip. I was super excited when we hopped in the academy van and started towards our destination. Dimitri had come with along with stan and emil since we had christian with us as well. Along with my anticipation I couldn't help but think about that morning with dimitri also few days ago during practice we had talked again about our relationship and he told me he had been thinking about how he doesn't think our love should be kept a secret. It shocked me at first realizing her knew just as much as I did what would happen, but the more I thought about it he was right. I hated not being able to outly express my feelings for him I think he did too. Our love was stronger than any punishment. We had planned on confessing when we got back from the shopping trip. We both knew it wasn't going to be pretty but we decide to have one more fun weekend before we get chastised.

We rolled into town and I spotted a few shops out the window that I thought would have amazing dresses. One of them must have the one I want. Lissa and I skipped from store to store lissa had already found her perfect dress and oh was it ever shimmering white it almost looked glittery lacy corset top and beautiful flowing bottom skirt. In this dress she could rule the world. She bought me a gorgeous diamond necklace. No more rose things from her thanks to viktor dashkov the man who tortured her and used a lust charm on dimitri and me. Luckily he is locked up in a high securiy moroi prison. We soon entered a shop full of ball gowns and wedding dresses and knew at once my dress was in here somewhere. We went through some dresses but none were really what I wanted one came close a blue embroidered prom looking dress it was princes like I guess but it wasn't very pretty. I liked the color blue but this dress was all wrong and so was the color for it. I was starting to lose hope that I would ever find the perfect dress. That was until lissa pulled out a dress from the back of the store. It was perfect, pink, frill, and big. It was perfect. I tried it on and it fit like a charm better than I had imagined actually. Even with all the fabric it held it still showed off my figured in a good way not my legs though but thats what I wanted. Lissa also wanted to get me a tiara but I thought that was a little much instead she got me a jeweled head band that kind of resembled a crown but attached to it was a pink colored flower that matched the dress. Lissa told me we had one more store to go to but wouldn't tell me what it was. I started to walk next to dimitri as I watched lissa telling me to hurry up.

"did you see the dress I got?" I smiled as I held up my bag.

"i can't say I did I wasn't around when you got it" he smiled. I fround I wanted his opinion but then a thought came to my mind.

"well then I guess you will be surprised at the ball" I winked at him and he gave me a soft smile.

"your always a suprise roza" I hurried back to lissa as we entered a party store.

"what are we doing here?" I questioned her.

"because I know in advanced the theme for our ball" she smirked at me and I could feel her hiding the secret deep in her mind.

"theme? I didn't know these balls had themes" I mean it wasn't weird or anything. Some of our school dances had themes but I didn't pick the queen and a fun person or imginative to come up with a theme.

"yupp" she stated "everyone gets their own them. I found out lasts years was urban jungle I don't know if I would have liked that" actually I thought that sounded like fun.

"so what is our theme then?" I asked her. I could almost touch the secret she was sitting on but before I could get it she told me.

"it's a masquerade" she squealed and her secret soon spilled out of her mind. She found out the week we visited court for viktors trial and had been sitting on it this whole time. Geez I felt stupid I didn't even know she was keeping a secret. We wen't to the back of the store where the masks were and I found a really pretty pink mask that had feathers sticking out of one side and gems surrounding the rest of the mask making it glitter. Lissas was butterfly shaped with gems outlining the wings and bow on each side in between them. Our trip came to an end and we got in the van and headed back to the academy. I didn't want this day to end for more than one reason. I had so much fun I could have shopped for the rest of my life but the sun was getting to lissa and christian. He hadn't said much during our time shopping he just made quirky remarks about the dress I got or about how much longer us girls were going to be shopping. He was relieved when the trip ended but I wanted to go back so bad. I looked at dimitri tomorrow was the day we were going to confess our relationship. He gave me a knowing look and I knew he anticipating the punishments we would be getting. When got back to school I told dimitri I would see him for practice tomorrow and lissa and I ran off to the moroi dorms. We went through everything we bought making sure we didn't forget anything. Lissa had bought me shoes right at the beginning of the trip and even thought we didn't know what the dress was going to look like they matched perfectly. Lissa on the other hand already had shoes in her closet for formal occasions that mtched her dress it seemed she spent most of her money on me. I felt kind of bad but lissa didn't care she loved shopping for me. We sat there and talked about the ball and who all was going and what it was going to be like. It was soon curfew time and I had to leave to my own dorm. I grabbed my stuff and left wisfully I didn't want to go to bed yet. It meant tomorrow will come so much faster. I made it back to my dorm hastily and plopped down on my bed. I sighed I really wasn't looking forward to tomorrow but I knew dimitri and I could take it. I was really tired of keep us a secret from the world but I was scared of what would happen when they found out. I hadn't realized how tired I was until I closed my eyes and in a matter of minutes I was in another spirit induced dream. 'great' I thought. I was laready worried about tomorrow and now I had to deal with Adrian. This time we were at court and I was wearing a nice ball gown it wasn't the one I had bought it was another dress I had seen when we were shopping that was sliming and silky and gorgeous. It looked great on me.

"little dhamphir, you look ravishing" he smirked as he strode over to me through the empty ball room. He stopped infront of me and gave me a weird look.

"your aura is a little off today your not having dark thoughts are you" he was barely ever serious but in this moment he semed quite worried about me which caught me off guard. I put my hands on my hips and shook my head

"nope I had a great day today you should have came with you would hav loved it." I said as I twirled around happily. He caught my hand and started to dance his eyes looked at me and for once they weren't amusing but not really serious either they were just full of admiration. He really did like me and I realized how much tomorrow wouldnt just effect imitri and me but others as well.

"something is bothering you I know it your aura just sparked alittle" I looked at him and he looked away as if insulted that I was hiding things from him. "look you don't have to tell me but if you keep these things locked up you could have a repeat of what happened a few weeks ago." he had let go of me by now and just staared off into space. I wondered if he was going into his weird spirit trance he sometimes got.

" that wont happen again" I said sternly "it wont I'm strong enough now to make sure it doesn't" I spoke quietly like I was reassuring myself. I had feared I might try something like that again but after what we had learned I thought we could control it. "lissa can heal the darkness out of me if it gets to be too much" I reassured him. He put a hand on my shoulder and sighed

"lissa can't heal you 24/7 there will be times when you wil lget the darkness and she wont be aroudn to heal it from you" I hadn't thought of that he was right too there will be times when im far away from lissa but still attracting the darkness what then. I decided I just had to let it out and tell Adrian he would know tomorrow anyway. I sighed and he looked at me confused but understood I was going to tell him what was bugging me.

"i-i I know you know about dimitri and me" he looked at me with a peculiar look and I knew I probably wouldn't like what I was about to say. "we decided to come clean its the only way. I mean I only have a few weeks left of school and then I moving to court with lissa and we will be able to be together. We just can't keep it a secret anymore. I'm scared of whats going to happen the queen already doesnt like me who knows what she will do to us."i frownd and looked at my feet I could feel tears in my eyes.

"why are you doing this now? why don't you just wait the few weeks you have left and come clean once you graduated?"

"we are just delaying the inevitable if we do that. They will all know we were together when I was in school it wont matter. Also our punishment will be less severe if I am in school and he is lissas only guardian they can't take him away not yet and we will have time to figure out a plan while I am graduating"

adrian scoffed and I could tell he didn't think this plan was going to work. That made me angry dimitri and I had thought this out a lot and realized that was a safer route than after I graduate.

"can I go now im tired and I want to sleep peacefully for once" without looking back he threw his hand in the air and the dream faded away into the blackness of sleep.


	5. the truth

When I woke up I didn't waste time sitting around and thinking. Today was the day we were coming clean. I rished over to the gym to meet up with dimitri I have waited for and loathed this day for a while now and now that it was here my fear had gotten the best of me. When I saw dimitri the only thing I could do was hug him I didn't know what ot say. I felt silly feeling so afriad I knew we could get through this but I was so worried. He was shocked at my outburst but wrapped his arms around me and held me close. We stayed silent for a while just holding eachother both of us fearing the worst to come and I knew this embrace could very well be the last for a long time.

We cut across the quad and headed for mistress kirovas office in our rush I hadn't even notice lissa running up to us.

"rose!" I spun around looking into that soft innocent face

"Liss!. W-what are doing here" she smiled and I didn't know how she would look at me after she found out I had been hiding such a big thing from her.

"i was looking for you. I was wondering if you wanted to go watch a movie with christian and me?" she grabbed my arm before I could respond. I pulled away immediately regretting not being able to hang with her. She gave me a hurtful look one I hated to see.

"i-i can't im doing something right now" she looked at me confused

"doing what?" she asked me knowing I wasn't being very descriptive.

"i-i can't" I stuttered feeling the hurt from her bond knowing I was keeping something from her hurt me more. Then she asked me something I didn't have an answer to.

"can I come with you?" she looekd at me pleadingly and I had no idea what to say. I looked at dimitri who just stared back. It didn't really matter if she came or not either way the whole school would know in a matter of minutes maybe having lissa there would ease the suffering.i shurgged and she took that as a yes. We trekked along the walkway to headmisstress kirovas office. I eyed dimitri knowingly one more tiem before we entered the building. We told the office we needed to see kirova and they told us we had to wait a few minutes unknowing of the 'obscene' news they were about to get. I wondered if people would think if we would be like the two guardians that ditched their moroi and ran off together. Dimitri and I both knew how awful that was and would never think of it we would make a way to be together while still protecting Lissa. We sat down and waited nervously for kirova to let us in. lissa was confused on why we were here and felt like she needed to reassure me.

"i don't know what your keeping secret but im here for you you know." I smiled a sad smile and looked at the floor.

"i don't know how much you will want to be there for me when you find out my secret." I struggled to get the last words out and I felt dimitris hand ontop of mine.

I could feel her thinking about what could be the secret. Why was dimitri with me? Why hadn't I told her? She thought and thought about what could be happening and then it finally clicked I felt the realization clikc within her mind, but before she could say anything kirova motioned us into her office. I gulped down my worries and entered the office. Lissa grabbed my arm knowing I knew she knew and gave me a kowing look as her mind told me she was still there for me not matter what. From that a huge weght was lifted I think my biggest worry was her hating me from keeping this or not understanding my situation enough to help. I felt relieved that she was still here for me even though I kept this from her.

"Alright I don't know what this is all about rosemarie but make it fast I am very busy" she looked at me through her round glasses and down her bird like nose. I sighed and then dimitri and I told her everything. I hoped dimitri wouldn't mention the cabin but he felt it was necessary considering the attack and our relationship it was the biggest part. I sunk into the chair next to lissa though I wasn't embarrassed just scared of how kirova would react, and oh did she ever. The words scandelous obscene out rageous un professional and more came from her mouth. She explained at how dimitri should have been a better guardian she truck him down word by word and looking at him it looked like he didn't care. He took her words grace and responsibility. He agreed when she told him it was extremely disgraceful to be having romantic relationships with a student. I couldn't wait until this chatisment was over. Then the worst happened.

"we can not let this continue we shall be sending you back to the court and have the queen reassign you upon your arrival. This scandelous behavior must end. I will be making a call to the court at once notifying them of this entire problem" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"that ridiculous!" I shouted. "dimitri is one of the best guardians we have take him away and we will need like twenty more guardians to replace him."

"if that is what it takes miss hathaway then that is what we will do. I can not let this continue. You have a great future miss hathaway I will not let you throw it away for a school gilr crush. We will be sending guaridan belikov back to court to be reassigned"

"reassigned?" I heard lissa speak up now polietly and delicatly like aways she went about the problem and a pritine manner. "you don't mean to say that you reassigning my guardian?" she asked. My eyes went even wider how could they do that to lissa this wasn't her fault. Now they were going take away her best guardian.

"i am sorry to say so vasilisa. We will find a new guardian to prect you dear I actually believe we could get you two new guardians to replace guardian belikov."

"you can't do that lissa had nothing to do that why are you punishing her!" I felt dimitri grab my shoulder and I hadn't realized how close I was to flipping out but dimitri did and sat me back down.

" I understand headmistress. I hope this hasn't caused you too many porblems"

I couldn't believe dimitri was taking this so well. How could he be so calm when they were ripping us apart. I looked at him and noticed something that almost ripped my heart open. The look in his eyes were pained he knew what was happening but he had to obey his orders no matter what no matter how bad they hurt him. I felt tears stream down my face and hastily wiped them away before anyone saw. Lissa placed her hand on my arm in a way to reassure me but it didn't help. I hated this I was losing dimitri and it wasn't fair at all. Did she really think this would get in the way of my future? he was my future along with lissa. As wel left I felt more tears run down my face and dimitri took no hesitation and held my hand.

"we'll get through this" he said. I could feel the pain in his voice.

"how? They're taking you away from me. I can't believe this" he stopped and looked at me sorrow filled his features. Lissa was next to me suprised at how much we really loved each other.

"i don't know. I know you think I can fix everything but I don't know what to do. I will try to reason with the queen possibly I don't know what to do. I'm sorry"

I looked at the ground shaking with anger and sorrow I couldn't help but feel helpless.

"i-i can't lose you. You mean the world to me i-i can't" lissa patted my shoulder and told me she had to go do soemthing I didn't think much of it and selfishly let her go. We were alone now and I started to sob. I didn't want lissa to see me cry I always wanted to be the strong one but now I couldn't hold it back. I flung myself into his arms and sobbed into his chest clenching his shirt. I couldn't stand to be without him. I didn't think they were going to take him away. We stayed in the embrace for a while and then we headed back to my dorm. He left me after that alone with my thoughts. I threw myself onto my bed and buried my face into my pillow. Dimitri left tomorrow after classes got out. I didn't know how I was going to handle it.

School the next day was torture everyone knew about dimitri and me of course and the stares I got during breakfast was torture. I had met up with christian since it was monday and he knew but unlike everyone else didn't have an accusing stare he didn't even make a witty remark.

"i don't know I had a feelign soemthing was up with you two" he said after I asked him why he was being all good mannered about it."i have to admit it is pretty ridiculous what they are doing. But you never know maybe they will make him a guardian for the queen or a royal who lives there" I hadn't thought about that and that thought kind of gave me hope. I never thought christian would be the voice of reason or the person cheering me up. It was weird.

"thanks"i said solemnly even if it was true I still would have weeks without him and who knows what it would be like a court the queen might not let us be together then either. I went to class w ith christian and all day I heard whispers from students. The same words that came out of kirovas mouth. Scandelous, outrageous, stupid. The words blood whore, and cheap and easy came out a few times. I ginored them they would never understand that love was blind it didn't matter that he was my instructor he was way more than that. It got worse at the end of the day.

We were in culinary science and I was standing near the fire exit like I always did when jesse zeklos strolled up aong with his stupid tag along ralph.

"so I hear your starting your own little blood whore commune here at school" he smirked

I ignored him and kept my focus on the class itself.

" first me and now your instructor whose next your little friend lissa" that struck a cord the whole school already knew about what I had done to keep her alive when we left and now he had broken the straw. I gave him the worst look I could hoping to scare them off and for a split second I could see fear in their eyes. Then their stupid faces turned smug once again. I was about ready to punch them I had already clenched my fist with christian returned and caught my fist and put it back down . He shot jesse and ralph and evil glare.

"is there a problem here guys"

"not at all"stated ralph "just seeing if rose wants you to join in on her blood whore commune"

he smiled lifted his hand "nice insults ralphie boy you're on fire" the way he said fire made ralph flinch and a small flame appeared in christians hand.

"this tiem I don't know if I can keep it off you"

ralph and jesse backed off and walekd away I heard them mutter something alone the lines of psychopathic killer strigoi and I shot them a mean glare that I hoped they could snese.

"you okay" he asked me. He knew alone with lissa and eddie how much I was hurting and the clock was ticking down to dimitris departure.

I told him I was fine and the rest of class was silent and boring christian had made a sterak which he of course wrapped in bacon and had shared with me though I barely ate anything I hadn't had much of an apatite today.

The time had come and I ran to the academy airport and there was dimitri on the runway waiting to board the plane. I ran up to him and flung my arms around him I didn't hesitiate a moment to kiss him. Usually our kisses were full of passion and joy. This kiss however was anything but. It still had passion but it was full of sorrow and regret and pain. It lasted longer and a usualy kiss. Who knew when we would be able to kiss again or even see each other. Tears fell from my eyes as we finally pulled apart he held my cheek and wiped the tears away. We heard the pilot say it was tiem to go and my heart sank. We hugged on last time and had one more kiss before he boarded the plane. That day my heart shattered. That day my life was over.


	6. great news

I stayed in my room as much as possible. I barely talked to anyone even lissa. I didn't stop doing my field experience but christian knew I didn't want to be bothered so he left me to my thoughts we didn't have anything fun to do in class so I spaced out a lot deep in my own thoughts. I missed dimitri so much it had only been a week but it had been the longest week of my life and extremely miserable. I felt more aloen than ever practices had been permanently cancelled and kirova felt I was more than up to skill in my training to not need anymore I had already surpassed my class. Normally that would make me feel proud but without dimitri here to praise me it was just an excuse to chancel my sessions with him. When I wasn't spacing I was getting ridiculed by students and not being able to beat the living pulp out of them was hard to do. Whats worse is I gained a new enemy.

Abby Badica she was usually an okay girl. Nice and reasonable, but what she knew about me made her my worst enemy. She was the new mia. Her guardian had run away with the zeklos' guardian. They abandoned their dutys to their moroi to be together and that is exactly what abby thought I was going to do. The thought of that was ridiculous but she had a front row seat to it happening before. It was disgraceful and to her I was a disgrace and didn't deserve to be a guardian. She had bene the one to spread the rumours of me starting a blood whore commune I found out from lissa. She wanted to make my life a living hell but little did she know I had gone there along time ago when dimitri had left. I ignored her attempts and really just ignored everyone and everything.

"do you want to go watch a movie with christian and i" lissa asked me as we walked back across the quad. Her and chrisitan had both tried to cheer me up a number of times but nothing worked without dimitri I was just an empty husk wandering around."adrian will be meeting us there as well he wants to catch up on some spirit" christian grunted at that a lissa nudged him and whispered to him to behave.

"no" I sad softly "i think im just gonna go to the library. I need to look up some stuff"

I didn't need to read lissas thoughts to see the sympathy all over her face. She didn't want to push me.

"well okay. But if you change your mind we'll be in the moroi second lounge okay" she gave me a smile thought it was obvious there was saddness in them. She was worried about me she wanted to know I was okay and honestly I didn't even know if I was okay either. I did atleast have an okay reason this time I was actually going to the library. I wanted to check and see about guardians in the past if there was any kind of predicament like ours that actually ended well. I sat in the library looking through books story afters story was all the same the people outcasted the guardians that couldn't protect their moroi because of love or running off. Some were even stripped of their guardian title deemed unfit to be a guardian.

I went to bed that night feeling even more down on my luck there was not one story about a good ending of guardians falling in love was this it for us guardians we couldn't love moroi's got it all.

I woke up in a horrible mood I didn't even want to leave my bed but a rapid knock at the door and a mind search of lissa told me she was at the door and she had news good news she thought. I opened the door and she and christian burst in I sat back on my bed and the sat next to me.

"wahts going on?" I looked between them confused at why they were so happy when I was so miserable.

"tel lher christian said" even he was antsy. He hated to see me miserable it wasn't as fun for him to pick on me if I was this way, and they both thought this news would fix things.

"i heard from mia that dimitri got assigned to be a royal guard for the queen" that was good news I was shocked. I feared he would be given to soeone who wasn't a high up royal but instead chrisitans thoughts of him becoming a royal guard came true. Still though he would eb a court and I would be here.

"you do know what that means right?" she was exstatic at the news more so because she knew something I couldn't quite grasp and when she told me I felt stupid that I didn't think of that.

"it means when we move to court you can see him. Once you graduate you can see him almost al lthe time since guardians almost never have to be with their moroi remember you can seem him pretty much whenever you want." this did make me excited and happier. I didn't even think about that being able to see dimitri at court would be amazing. There was something else lissa was keeping from me. It was so big it was about to burst. She knew whatever was coming was going to make me very very happy and I really wanted to know.

"coem on liss there is something else what is it"

she burst.

"you'll be able to see dimitri at the ball this weekend since the queen will be there all her guardians will as well." this made my heart leap it's been a week and a half without him and now knowing I would be able to see him this weekend made me ecstatic. I was so happy I could cry. Christian decided now that the news was delivered he wanted to go to the feeders. We left off the the feeders in great moods. I chatted with lissa until she had to leave to go help kirova with her usual princess duties that the queen gave her. Christian and I had made it to the feeders and of course there was a line. As we waited I kept thinking about what I was told earlier. Being able to see dimitri this weekend was like a miracle. I was also proud he didn't get some low job because of me.

"so are you back to normal crazy bitch rose" smirked christian snapping me out of my thoughts.

I smiled "Are you back to quirky evil chrisitan again" I remarked

"that all depends on you rose." the way he said it was as a joke but I could tell he was serious. Even he knew when not to be a total asshole. He wanted to wait until I was better to pull his normal attitude on me.

"i don't know yet. This news is great and im glad I can see him this weekend but its only for two days and then I have four more weeks without him those weeks are gonna suck" he smield and said nothing his name was called and of course he got alice again. I hope she wasn't going to predict another attack again.

"ah rose so good to see you I knew you were going to protect us all" she gave me the wry crazy old smile of hers. I pulled out my practice stake again

"i always will" I smiled chrisitan then sunk his teeth in and her face soon became overcome with the bliss of the vamprie bite.

The next three days flew by I ginored the stupid remarks and rumours about me nothing could bring me down.

"oh look its the blood whore mayor" I heard abby badica say t oone of her friends as I walked with christian across the quad.

"is christian your newest squeeze. I don't know If lissa would like him having a petty affair with a lowly dhamphir blood whore"

"you know what" I said in a grisly voice as a I stormed over to her. "your getting on my last nerve. You don't know anything about what you are talking about. Don't think I wont break the bretty little nose of yours. Chrisitan here isn't too happy with you either he might just lose control and light you all up" he sneered at them and snapped his fingers creating a small ball of fire. I pushed his arm down "nah. You know what shes too pathetic she isn't even worth it" that made her eyes gleam with anger

as we walked away I heard her yell at us.

"he'll leave yo ulike every other moroi and blood whore even if he is a wannabe strigoi atleast he has standards"

we laughed at her while we headed back to our rooms sleeping in christains room again was strange but my makeshift bed on the floor was kind of nice it made me think of the past and the good old days. I went to bed excited for tomorrow the day we left for court I was so excited I could barely sleep. Once sleep did catch up to me I found myself in another one of adrians dreams. He had left me alone since the news had gone public he had known for a while but this made him trying for me impossible. For a while I thought he was mad at me for going public but after talking to him a few days ago he seemed to sympathize with me and told me he thought I needed space. I realized how muh my mood changed everyone else.

I stood in a garden but it wasn't his fmilys it was just a garden at court beautiful with the first signs of spring on them and a pavilion sat in the middle and adrian sat on a bench on its side.

"hi adrian" I sighed I really wanted a good nights rest tonight.

"little dhampir how are you feeling your aura looks brighter"

"yeah did you hear the news liss must have told you" he smiled a knwing smile and I felt like he was keeping something from me.

"what" I said with my hands on my hips.

"i had to do something to get you out of the slump. There was no way I could convince the queen to let dimitri come back but I was able to get her to keep him on as one of her guardians temporarily she said she will wait till the next class graduates to find his permanent station."

I was shocked it was adrian who convinced the queen to have dimitri sationed as a royal palace guardian. I couldn't believe he did this.

"why did you do this though you know this means you have no chance." I knew it hurt him to hear it but it was true.

"if me having my chance means that your miserable then I couldn't I love the outgoing crazy tough rose and sadly I don't think I will get that rose with my chance. So I decided I will admire you from afar wistfully awaiting the day you realize I am your prince charming"

"don't hold your breathe" I muttered "but thank you you don't know how much this means to me"

"just don't let me see you like that again" he smiled "it hurts too much" he was serious and I knew I had worried a lot of people being depressed. Well not now I was able to see dimitri in less than twenty four hours. I would be able to hold him again


	7. masquerade

We arrived at court excited and anxious to go to the ball that evening. We still had a few hours til then but I really didn't want to do anything but feg in my room till then. Most guardians didn't have to be by their moroi at court but the queens did so I had no way t osee dimitri till the ball. I told lissa I would see her at the ball and we parted ways. I felt her sitting on a secret it seemed she kept hiding things from me lately. I didn't care though I blocked her out if she was going to keep things from me then I didn't need to search her mind and she was safe here a court so I could just be myself and veg alone. My room was cushy I had a beautiful velvet bed spread and and leather couch a lot nicer than my last room here probably because this was leisure not buisness. I decided to unpack my stuff I didn't want my dress to be wrinkles so u hung it up in closet I had day clothes for tomorrow that I threw on the floor as I dug through my suitcase for lipgloss dimitri had gotten me for christmas. It was a small thing but his gesture of kindness showed he had thought of me. I laid down on the couch and admired the lipgloss such a plain thing and yet it gave me all the hope in the world that I would be with him again and everything would be okay. My thoughts brough tears to my eyes and I wished this never happened. It had apparently been two hours since we got here and I soo nheard a knock at my door I could feel lissa there and I wondered what she wanted.

When I opened the door though it wasn't lissa standing in front of her was dimitri. He smield softly at me and entered the room. I didn't hold back I flung my arms around him and held him tightly he hugged me back and didn't let go.

"roza. I've missed you so much" it had only been two weeks but I knew he felt it was as long as I did. It felt like and eternity for the both of us and holding each other once again was a great feeling. I kissed him breiflynot wanted to let go but I had to figure out something.

"how did you pull this off I didn't think I would be able to see you until the ball" I looekd at him admiringly and I had to admit even though it meant he was far away he did look pretty hot in that guardian outfit though I guess it meant he couldn't wear his duster which probably bugged him.

"i'm not one of her main guardians she doesn't need me around as much as the others I'll be guarding the ball since there will be more people but usually I just roam around unless more guardians are needed." he smiled at me and oh did I love that smile and oh did I miss it. I hugged him again I never wanted to let go but if he was here for too long someone would notice and I don't know what the queen would do.

" I guess our tiem is up for now huh" he looked down at me and kissed my forhead

"for now. But I will see you tonight and then after you graduate" I smield I knew the truth that after I graduate there was a chance the queen would reassign him. Adrian had told me that if he stayed on good terms with the queen and made no more mistakes she would consider keepign him here. I believed that dimitri could do it btu there was alswyas the chance the queen would change her mind and decide to reassign him instead. I held him one more time before he left lissa nad christian stayed. I thanked lissa for getting him here I knew she had a role in it as well sweeping her mind. Christian left to go get ready for the ball and apparently lissa had planned on getting ready here she had brought her dress shoes and everythign else so we could have some time with eachother,

"so are you excited?" she asked me as she straightened her hair.

"very I have been waiting to wear this dress and seeing dimitri makes it perfect" I smiled as I curled my hair into perfect ringlets.

"rose?" lissa said in a sad tone. I stopped curling my hair and looked at her."i'm sorry. I can't believe I didn't notice what was going on between you a dimiti you needed me and I was oblivious to it all and kept going on and on about my silly problems. And im sorry about what happened"

"liss don't feel that way." I said in a reassuring tone. "it wasn't as important as your problems I was fine. Besides your helping me now. Thank you again for doing all this" I hugged her and I could feel her thoughts change into happier thoughts

we headed towards chrisitans room to meet up with him and eddie but before we got there we ran itno mia. We were in a rush but we said out hellos and got caught up. I told mia about abby badica and her rueful vendetta. She laughed and said "just like odl times huh" I scoffed I didnt really like the old times but maybe that meant we all would get into something that would make abby my friend like mia. Thought I hoped it wouldn't be another rogue strigoi hunting group again. Before we left mia told me something about abby that helped my confliction a lot. I thanked her and we said our goodbyes I told her we would meet up tomorrow. We hurried off to chrisitans room I couldn't wait to use this new found information I was tired of the rumours spreading about me. No doubt they reached the court.

Once we met up with chrisitan, who I had to admit looked quite stunning in the tux he was wearing, we headed off to the ball.

It was amazing when we got there the room that usually held all the ourt hearing had been turned into a huge ball room. It glittered beautifully I was in awe. Three chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The usually plain walls had candles and gorgeous pieces of artwork hanging from them. There were tables in the corners set with silver table cloths and golden dinnerware. People started arriving all dressed in beautiful ball gowns a lot of them were sliming and prisine like lissas I was glad my was big and stoof out I got a lot of glances from people and I felt like the center of the ball. That was until the queen showed up. Tatiana showed up in a gorgeous ball gown embroidered with flowers and hearts and boy was it big. It outsined my dress and then atleast I outsided my classmates it was pretty hard to outshine the queen.

When the queen was finally in place and the guardians were all in the ball finally began. Lissa asked christian to dance and they went onto the floor. I sat there with eddie until some friends came and sat by us as well. The yapparently didn't have dates either. Mia soon came by and I hadn't realized she was even here I wondered if she was allowed to be here. She walked over to eddie and asked him todance he gave me a wary look and asked if I would be okay. I nodded and he gladly accepted her request. Apparently the seniors weren't the only ones here I noticed a lot of other royals and nonroyals here as well. I watched as eddie and mia started to dance. Who would have thought they would end up together. Though after the attack eddie had kept saying how brave mia was to coem back and save me. He was really impressed with her. As I watched everyone on the floor I spotted abby across the room and decided now was my chance to get her back. I turned to face my comrade who were now joined by jesse. Perfect. If anyone was going to spread this jesse would.

I told them what mia had told me earlier and just like I predicted it didn't take too long. Lissa and Christiantook a break and sat down next to me I caught them up on the rumour going about. Lissa reminded me what happened last time I found out a secret and spread it I didn't care though she couldn't do much here infront of the queen. Atleast I thought she wouldn't. No later than I said that that abby came storming over here. I stood up knowing something bad was coming. I could see anger fill her features even under that prisine ceramic mask. She ripped off my mask and threw it to the ground stepping on it as she got into my face. I didn't like that.

"i don't know where you heard this herendous story about my father but I can tell you right now he did not run off with some cheap dhamphir!" she was shouting now and we gained some stares from the publi dimitri was also looking over with a interested expression.

"oh thats not what I hear. It was apparently the biggest scadal a few months ago. Apparently the queen wanted to keep it private so her precious royals weren't slandered but now its out and you got to live with it. The rumous going on with me are just that rumours started by a stupid little roya who has a family problem." I could tell she was taken back by what I had said but before she could make a witty remark the queen stode up and looked at us.

"whats going on here this a ball not one your silly little teen socail parties. What is all this commotion"

"nothign at all your magesty just a nice talk between classmates" I stated

she glared at me and I swear those eyes could take down strigoi.

"Abigail good to see you. I know what happened with your father won't rub off unto you" she smiled and abby knew that the queen was done with her and walked away but not out of hearing distance.

"now miss hathaway must you start a riot hear at my ball I do not like what I am hearing about you lately. Starting a blood whore commune in my academy horrendous and quite ridculous if you think that is possible."

"but your majesty i-" she cut me off and I could feel more stabs at my heart were coming

"and that scadelous betray of your guardian duties since you returned is just outrageous. I knew I should hae snet you off once you had gotten back. I was todl you were bound for greatness but this has proven otherwise. I will be glad when vasilisa had a comptent guardian and is far away from you and your ridiculous endeavors." I was shocked at what she had said. She intended to take me away from not only dimitri but lissa too. I could feel the darkness bubbling but it wasn't in anger it was in sorrow. If I wasn't with lissa I couldn't see dimitri. Both parts of my heart would be ripped away from me. It felt like it was happening right now. She kept going but I was too stunned to pay attention finally she left and went back to the clebrations. people still stared at me since the queen had outedly stripped my of my moroi and verbally ripped my heart out. I felt tears well up inside me. I felt lissas hand on my arm but I immediately brushed it off and fled the ball. Tears streamed down my face as my whole world collapsed around me. Not soon after I got outside had I realized it was raining. I ran and ran not caring how far I was or where I was. I then slipped on a slippery of the walkway and fell into a puddle. Could my life get anymore worse. I sat there on the ground in the rain crying pathetically unable to regain my compsure. I felt horrible the queen had destroyed me. Abby was probably in there laughing at dismay who knew what was going on at the party. I didn't care I ran far enough and fast enough that it would take a while for lissa to catch up to me. I sat there in my depression staring at the ground until I saw a pair of feet stop in front of me. I looked up and through tear soaked eyes I saw Dimitri standing in front of me. He reached out his hand and helped me stand up. My beautiful gown was covered in mud my hair probably looked like a disaster and my eyes still stung with more tears as he brought me into a warm embrace. I buried my face into his chest and cried. I felt weak crying but with him icould be myself and I couldn't stop the tears now that the queen and literally ripped apart my soul. Dimitri pulled away and wiped the tears from my face and smiled. Come on he gestured over to a pavilion. I looked around finally realizing where I was. It was the garden in adrians dream. We entered the pavilion and dimitri pulled out a small cloth from his pocket and handed it to me. As I dried as much as I could with the small clothe he sat next to me.

"i heard what he queen said" he stated.

I didn't respond and tears started to burn in my eyes again.

"what she said. Rose. It wasn't fair it was ahrsh and even though she may be the queen I really think what she had said was uncalled for" this shocked me dimitri always found some kind of truth in the chastisment I got all the time. And yeah usually once he talked to me once itook it to heart it was usually true. This time he believed none of it was true.

"the rumours spreading are just rumours I know and I believe the queen needs to stop believe everything she hears from those royals. I wont deny it a lot of them are sleazy and cruel I only hope the queen will see that soon"

he looked at me moved some hair out of my face and smiled. He stood up faced me and held out his hand.

"could I have this dance"

I placed my hand in his I didn't want to get his nice outfit muddy but I guess he didn't care. He pulled me to him and started to lead me in a waltz. He swept me across the pavilion and back to the far away music from the ball. It soon stopped raining and soon we were dancing under the stars. Right now the only thing in the world was us dancing. He kissed my forehead as we danced and he held me tighter.

"i love you roza. Noone can keep us apart."


End file.
